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All the Feels: Advice for Parents on Move-In Day
I dubbed my oldest son鈥檚 senior year of high school the 鈥淵ear of Lasts.鈥� His last birthday at home. His last sports event. His last prom. Each event felt heavy and I couldn鈥檛 help the sting of tears in my eyes. Then of course came graduation and the seemingly contradictory feelings of joy and grief鈥攋oy at my son reaching the milestone; grief that his days at home were numbered. I wanted to push pause on time to savor those final moments with everyone at home under the same roof. As I helped him shop for items for his dorm room, I put on a brave smile. As we loaded up the car with all his belongings, I forced myself to focus on his excitement. And as I gave him that one last hug before we drove away, I felt tears start to fall.
Sending a child off to college is no easy feat鈥攅specially for a parent鈥檚 heart! Sometimes it feels like an emotional roller coaster. One moment we are celebrating all that our student has accomplished to get to this point, the next we feel grief over the fact that there鈥檚 an empty spot at the nightly dinner table. The launch of a child marks a significant transition, not only in a student鈥檚 life, but also for parents. We shouldn鈥檛 be surprised by the wave of emotions that accompany it.
From one parent to another, here are a few things to consider as you anticipate dropping your student off to college this move-in day.
Don鈥檛 be Surprised by all the Feels
Don鈥檛 be surprised by the varying emotions that you feel as you prepare for move-in day. There鈥檚 joy and excitement as you watch your student prepare for college. There鈥檚 grief as you consider what life will be like without seeing your son or daughter every day. You may feel some uncertainty or worry as you think about the transition鈥攆or both yourself and your student. Give yourself space to feel those things. Remember that no matter how heavy those emotions are, the Lord can bear them. Pray about them and seek His help as you navigate them. Remember too that as Creator, God designed us to develop in stages, so this season of transition into adulthood is a good season for your student. God is preparing him or her for how He will use them in His Kingdom. And you can expect Him to do amazing things!
Remember that Your Student Feels Things Too
When our children were little, they often looked to us to know how to respond to new situations. That鈥檚 why when they tripped and fell down, we鈥檇 smile and say, 鈥淵ou鈥檙e okay!鈥� Today, as your student embarks on this new college adventure, remember that your son or daughter feels things too and needs your reassurance that they are ready for this change. Help them identify their own thoughts and feelings as they anticipate move-in day鈥攖heir excitement as well as their worries and concerns. Remind them of God鈥檚 care for them; He is with them wherever they go.
Temper Expectations
Move-in and orientation is a busy time with many events and activities. The college works hard to help your student to feel connected with other students and to learn about college life. While you may expect to have a leisurely time to say your goodbyes, your student may not have the same expectations. In fact, your student鈥檚 focus may be set on getting to know roommates or getting to the next activity on time. When parents temper their own expectations and hold them loosely, the move-in process is smoother for students.
Give Your Student Space to Adjust
Make your goodbyes sentimental and genuine, but quick rather than drawn out. Consider writing a note of encouragement that you leave in the dorm room for your student to read later. Then give your student time to adjust to the newness of college life. Many on campus will recommend that students not go home for the first six weeks so that they spend that time developing friendships and participating in community life. But when you do see your student over that first break, expect to be amazed at all he or she has learned in such a short time!
No doubt, launching a student off to college is a big adjustment. It鈥檚 a big change for parents. But remember, good things are happening on campus and in your student鈥檚 life.